agents are the new technology. optimize your life, free up time, automate processes. is that really liberating though? now instinct is sending me texts all day, i have these weird computer robots doing all the banal tasks that gave me agency, and the feeling of actually scheduling my days and making my own free time is gone. now i’m stuck in this weird middle ground of having that freedom, but with no autonomy over that mundane.
i’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but there’s this weird feeling of loss of power but gain of mental freedom. it’s like this external power has taken over, but now having the utmost amount of conviction within yourself is invaluable, and frankly, necessary. now i guess i have to be creative
humans are great at imaging potential outcomes (overthinking). when you give yourself a mental “path” to an outcome e.g. if i don’t study, i’ll fail – it makes that a possibility in your mind. that’s obviously not that grand or significant of an example, but the scale and nuance of this mental model is enormous.
the flip side of the coin is amazing though. how strong the mind is. tell yourself, i can get up tomorrow and attack x goal. i can start right now and do y hobby that i’ve always wanted to do. you unlock this model of excitement and possibility by giving yourself a path to it.
utilize the strength of your thoughts.
taste is infinitely more important than technical abilities today. anyone can build, but it comes down to who has the idea/vision.
how do you optimize for best taste? originality, visibility, being true to yourself. taste is a feeling. it’s subjective. you’re taste is best utilized when it’s a valid reflection of you. you can make it the best that way. outsourcing taste usually leads to lack of character.
every relationship – family, friends, partner, etc – can suffer from the development of resent via the lack of emotional honesty. discourse is not zero sum. you can and should disagree with people you love.
“People with self respect exhibit a certain toughness, a kind of moral nerve; they display what was once called character which is the willingness to accept responsibility of one’s life.” – Joan Didion
I was walking in a pretty populated area today. During an inclined stretch, I walked backwards for a few minutes to strengthen my tibialis. I got a lot of strange looks, which made sense, it’s not a common thing to do. But it made me wonder how often we misjudge based on lack of information and knowledge.
I get into conversations about purpose a lot, and people often ask me what mine is. My general answer is that I live for relationships and people. But recently I’ve learned that what I value most is being someone who makes the people around me feel inspired, safe, like they belong, and like they have someone they can trust. I want to create light in people’s day, in a joyful way, but also through conversation, the kind where people can express their true desires and unpack the ideas they might be scared to show elsewhere. i want my friends to confide in me with total confidence.
the present life you want to achieve is generally reached through surrender. not endless anticipation and struggling attempts to cultivate a plan. just following the simple toolkit of unconscious decision-making, and getting out of the mental state of a wanting a self-chosen road to go exactly to plan.
authenticity even, is often chosen behind closed doors. an attempt at perfecting your fit into a carefully curated profile of who you want to be, but this mostly falls short.
to have granular expectations is just giving fuel to the creation of anxiety in reaching some self-proclaimed end product. instead, the practice of generalization of direction, satisfaction with forward progress into action not pre-chosen, but action that resonates with who you are deeper down.
Be driven by feeling. this visceral pull from being around the right people, from choosing the right activities and intellectual pursuits. you feel the energy of the universe gravitating you towards what is meant for you, and it pulls you into the person you were always meant to be. surrender to the energy of the universe.
i genuinely enjoy building so much. at this point, i feel my only shortage is ideas. i want to create prototypes over a few days/weeks, not 2-3 prompts. and, they have to be something i care about. those ideas haven’t come easy to me recently.
to spend more time on the idea generation task seems to be an important signal to myself that I should be spending more time intentionally thinking/curating my identity on what matters to me. (less outsource of thought)
college + youth is learning how to come to terms with the fact that there will be so many people that impact your life in short time frames. A few months of friendship, a few weeks of indistinguishable bond, but paths that eventually run orthogonal. it’s so easy to not want to label those intervals as “great” friends because of their length, but they’re undeniable. they could be just as important (but different obviously) as year-long/lifelong friendships. show respect where it’s due. be truthful to yourself, don’t be selfish, great impact can be made in short time frames. very few things are forever.
food for thought – unfinished, quick idea about this. everyone is made up of their own microworld. it’s the lens we see everything through, and no two are the same. but the summation of all our microworlds is what actually makes up the fabric of reality. in a way we all create reality, yet it’s distinct from every one of us. i can only see via my own consciousness, you can only see via yours.
and there’s no way to verify any of it. we can agree on the same chair in the same room, but there’s micro differences, maybe major differences. phenomenal consciousness makes that difficult. we each mirror reality from our pov, it’s unknowable as a whole. sort of relatable to sarte’s subject-object. the gaze turns your consciousness into a perceivable body.
at the end of the day, that’s why conversation seems to be so appealing to those that like these questions. it’s the only way to get data on other immaterial bodies. we gather physical data all the time, through conversation too, but conversation is how we try to understand other microworlds
phenomenal consciousness is inherently lonely, yet the relation of our different experiences is exactly how we connect on the deepest level. it’s incommunicable but only via trying to share those experiences do we understand each other.
now in this sense, it’s not about getting it right, but attempting at all. what we have in common is just what we can’t understand.
when you take this as a truth, listening to someone’s story, experience, struggle becomes a whole different game. empathy becomes 10x as strong of an emotion to feel.
“how strange it is to be anything at all”
to be observed is to be stripped of your free mind and turned into an extended, material object. the gaze takes away from who you are. this opens a path for someone to define you as that object, rather than a spirit. don’t let someone else give a definition for your spirit by what shows on the outside. your qualia defines you, and that’s something immaterial and distinct
identity is genuinely the most durable form of intrinsic drive + motivation. If I identify as an athlete + soccer player, it pushes me to train harder, run more, and stick out for longer when everything hurts. What about a reader? I’ll pick up a book in my free time more often. Giving myself the identity to sit inside of has only driven me to focus more time and push harder on what I want to do.
The negation: “I’m not good at math.” then when a problem feels impossible, I resort to AI, copying answers, not thinking through the solution; when I could have asked real questions, read the textbook. Negative identity gives me a reason to quit without friction.
There’s a barrier of fight that sort of comes with positive identity. I want to fight harder for what I believe I am. I’m defending it something worthwhile.
There’s something so bittersweet about knowing that when you don’t see someone for a while (friends, parents, grandparents) and when you reconvene you realize that so much time has passed that you’ve missed of each other. Everyone has highs and lows that you can’t experience together, but only when you come together at a point of growth, you see how far you’ve all come. Time and age are hard concepts to internalize because you don’t feel that the time passes until it does. Sometimes I wish I could see those people all the time.
having the ability to think, reflect, write, etc, is a privilege in itself. imagine being frustrated because you have the time, and can’t get your thoughts to flow in the way you want. majority of people in the world are focused on survival, work, family. it’s a blessing to have time to sit down and write.
Maybe all you need is to look at the conscious as some big brother (1984) omnipotent surveillance of our physical and mental states. use it to criticize habits, impulses, feelings. guilting yourself to be better.
experience is inherently distinct to point of view. our reference points are unique, use that to your advantage. no one see’s the world like you. reality isn’t computable, there’s no solution, it’s infinite. isn’t that beautiful? there’s an infinite amount of experiences to gain, that don’t correspond to anything that other people have encountered. even something about the way light signals to your brain is one of a kind.
i’m currently very excited about the future (next semester abroad). this is reminding me to focus a bit more on the today. overthinking about the future leads to hyping up expectations. the future will come no matter what, there’s no use in spending brain power on creating dream states that will differ from reality.
Need to walk with no place to be. I always feel I’m chasing a place, feeling, person. I just want to walk.
The prayer mat as an object, becomes a contiguous space with your mind. It’s a reminder to look within yourself and use your surroundings to tap into different mental states
Why do we feel the need to justify our existence via achievement. Who are we proving ourselves for. The ego is a strong thing.
conversations have an art to them. It’s close to jazz. two (or more) people learning how to compliment each other. you don’t know what’s coming, but you listen through and figure out how to answer back on the fly, in a way that supports the improvised symphony. There’s a pace to it, something to understand underneath the surface.
Sam Altman on David Senra said something along the lines of “if two AI’s were to have a more meaningful, smart, insightful podcast, would people even care?”
Getting at something really important, which is one of the reasons I’m anti-doom when it comes to the AI discussion, which is that people care about feeling. It doesn’t matter what kind, but generally the stronger the better (on either side of the spectrum). Media is sort of its own horseshoe theory. Those that get the most clicks are the ones who last with you (aka make the loudest impression). People want to feel something when consuming media. It’s not all about the insight, its about building opinions, hearing controversial takes, things that aren’t absolute. I want that speculation and idea spam, not the bot that’s going to give me textbook truths. Human driven media will not go away.
losing your voice (physically) is weirdly peaceful. you’re forced to choose words more clearly and you can’t raise your voice past whisper/pretty quiet volume. If no one could raise their voices, I think we’d be a lot more rational. It’s a lesson for how to treat conversation. Gentle people always make you feel more safe, and they seem sensible.
My interpretation + some research into understanding CS Lewis in The Weight of Glory
Beauty doesn’t exist within the physical world itself. If you try and worship a moment (a sunset, a person, the past), it becomes idolatry. You can’t squeeze those statues for meaning, don’t turn the channel into a source. The feeling doesn’t come from something unrelated to physical objects, but it actually travels through them. You see a sunset, and possess the sunset, but you can’t possess the beauty. Have you ever been in a moment in nature where everything is so beautiful and the moment is perfect, but you still feel a wave of sadness overtake you. You ache for understanding into that window with no definable object. The sunset exists, but the beauty is not within grasp. You can’t name the longing desire. It’s something that’s unsatisfiable from the physical world.
Natural desires have an existing object, for the pattern to hold, that feeling’s object must exist somewhere too (not earth). Points to something greater and intelligent?
Hunger ––> Food
Thirst ––> Water
”That feeling” ––> Points to nothing in the physical world???
But actually, maybe that’s God
“Excellence is the capacity to take pain”
pain is good. pain is necessary. pain is uncomfortable. it’s not only physical, its mental, its internal, its silent, its loud, its hidden, its conspicuous. but learning to tolerate the highest level of pain will make you more composed in relevant situations.
“I think that if you don’t experience real fear from time to time, you don’t experience real danger and other things, then your mind just creates fears out of nothing,” Alex Honnold
pain, fear, and anxiety are invaluable to a strong mind. the physical world is the best place to train for fear and pain; that way the manmade constructions don’t phase you as much
“The derivative of problem creation must always be the derivative of problem-solving .” Essentially, you must always be solving problems more or as efficiently as you are creating them. If you’re creating more problems than you’re solving then you have a real problem. Net zero equality is fine because a steady state of problems to solutions is healthy. Don’t be unrealistic, your problems will never converge to zero, and it’s actually more healthy for them to stay away from zero.
“Do you take pride in your hurt? Does it make you seem large and tragic? …Well, think about it. Maybe you’re playing a part on a great stage with only yourself as audience.”
— John Steinbeck
“Why should we feel anger at the world? As if the world would notice.”
— Marcus Aurelius
the body and mind work in harmony. when the body is fatigued and sore, the mind stays strong, you tell yourself to keep moving. But at some point, your mind doubts and fears, then, the strength of flesh takes over to keep forward momentum. train the body to work together, create melodies from that combination
i feel most present in moments that i know are temporary. if i were to willing seek out cue’s of those fleeting moments, does that make the present feeling fabricated? constructing my reality by incorporating as many moments that force me to be grounded – in that sense, not really being present because i’m outwardly making that moment happen.
the presence isn’t arriving by nature or spontaneity. i think as long as i’m not monitoring the moment while being in it, it makes sense. creating the input, but living the output. don’t focus on creating the content, but letting the experience drive that itself
the reward isn’t always from the completion of a task, adventure, project, it comes from action and attempt. and, hidden rewards that you weren’t initially chasing reveal themselves in the process – often surpassing expectations of your foreseen reward.
^ what i took away from being awful at surfing; i caught minimal waves, but i woke up early, spent time with a friend, had chats in the ocean, connected to the earth, moved my body, tried a new food spot, remembered that when my thoughts get big to go somewhere small to remember that nature will always triumph
an important characteristic that i really admire in people, who invariably happen to be successful and or interesting, is the ability to create, hold, and nurture conversations. those who can guide it, story tell, ask questions. when silence is filled by another interesting perspective or insight, and you can’t help but want to hear more.
i think it’s heavily influenced by authentic intellectual curiosity. <--- something i’m striving for.
potential as a concept has a dual meaning that i constantly battle. i don’t want you to tell me about my potential – i’m not a robot to be optimized. but talk to me about my potential in viewing the world in from a fresh perspective, one that can affect lives and people around me.
an important characteristic that i really admire in people, who invariably happen to be successful and or interesting, is the ability to create, hold, and nurture conversations. those who can guide it, story tell, ask questions. when silence is filled by another interesting perspective or insight, and you can’t help but want to hear more.
i think it’s heavily influenced by authentic intellectual curiosity. <--- something i’m striving for.
cant help but think how much internet memes actually reflect deeper unspoken societal issues – larping, looksmaxxing, gambling, etc.
Anger sits within you. Grudges are held within you. When you hold anger in your heart or towards something, no one is experiencing that emotion except you. Don’t hold anger for people/things that are not worth it, you only create suffering within your own mind. Love and forgiveness is more powerful than anger could ever be
Let’s look at the golf swing as a metaphor for life. There is a few constants that need to be present always, under all circumstances. First, the setup, feet planted shoulder width apart, butt out and back, hands at the toe-line. No matter what you do, if the setup is wrong, the swing won’t work. Life is the same way, you need some constants that keep you grounded and based on some form of structure. That could be exercise, eating right, meditation, waking up at the same time. Before you can work on the takeaway, you need to make sure these irreplaceables are dialed in. That perspective change helps you get more done in your day, and the things you want done. Even in the days you don’t get what you want done, if you get the setup right, the ball will fly. It might not be a perfect swing, but you’re moving forward. As you get the setup more consistent, you add one technique and intricacies. Side hustles, projects, deeper focus on tasks at hand and then you start to build up distance, power, and more flexibility.
I don’t like the demeanor that social media brings to doing work. Everything has to be perfect. 7am wake up, run, gym, cold shower, deep work for 8 hours, paying for luxuries that save “irreplaceable time”. The journey of the mundane is just as important. Don’t get caught up in this epidemic of optimizing every aspect of your life. We need to take deep, long breaths. Spend time basking in the sun without the constant worry of not making something important happen every minute of the waking day. Experimentation is the only way to control the physical world. We learn through trial and error, not doing what others say works for them. Learn to figure things out yourself because through that is where we find out what works for us.
There’s nothing radical about my birthday. On May 1st, 2026, I will turn 20 years old. But why do we think that day is so special. My age has nothing to do with the day itself, but the 364 before, the year of nineteen, where I made progesss. For some reason, the day itself carries so much weight, like all of the sudden I’ll have gained Wisdom from Socrates himself.
What if we heard our alarms as serenades, your favorite piano song instead of a crescendoing, blaring disruptions. What if we got out of bed within a minute or so — no need for snoozing. The warmth from your blanket and the fresh smell of your sheets lingers on your skin. You stretch your arms over you head, take a few sips of cool water from the night before, let the early sunlight warm your body, and appreciate the calmness of the mornings.
Make your way to a cozy, comfortable shower, daydream through the quiet beauties. But, the day is starting now, and you feel so strong and alive that just before stepping out, you turn the water freezing — snapping into reality and remembering how wonderful it is to be in the present. You’re here. You’re alive. Isn’t that crazy? Out of 8 billion people, you are one of one.
It’s cold out, and all you can think of is that hot morning coffee, so you throw on your favorite sweater and head to class. You step outside and the shrieking wind stings your cheeks, but who cares, fleeting pain reminds you of the proof of your existence. You are alive.
In your first class, you’re captivated and entranced calculus, measuring odd surfaces and getting walked through proofs that feel like a different language (literally). It’s difficult. You struggle. But the mind needs friction, and you’re privileged to study these, realistically, impractical topics.
Next is english, you get to learn about poetry, Robert Frost to be exact. Diving into grief and love and the human condition. Math builds our reality through the physical, but poetry teaches us the foundations of our relationships. Art is a mimesis of the solitary mind, ambiguous yet valuable and essential to understanding ourselves and others.
And that has all passed by 11 A.M.
Now, you make your way to a coffee shop, and the blazing hot latte hits your tongue, and sweet marble pound cake washes it down. The caffeine floods your system, dopamine spikes, but the coffee isn’t the point. The morning was ordinary, nothing special happened. Life doesn’t announce itself, it just plays constantly, it doesn’t wait for anyone or anything. What changed was you. You realized that mornings shouldn’t be dreaded, everyday is a novel opportunity to live. We die once, we wake every day. And those mornings are something that you get to decide.